Modern dating glossary
The language of modern dating, defined plainly and kept current.
- 3-3-3 ruleAn informal social-media dating guideline with several competing versions, most pacing commitment in threes: three dates before exclusivity, three weeks of steady contact, three months before deeper commitment. No canonical source.
- Beige flagA trait or habit in a partner that is neither a red flag nor a green flag, just oddly boring or mildly peculiar. Signals blandness or indecision more than danger.
- BenchingKeeping a potential partner in a holding pattern (neither pursued nor released) as a backup option while other prospects are explored.
- BreadcrumbingSending intermittent, low-effort signals of romantic interest (likes, brief texts) to keep someone engaged without committing to actual dates or a relationship.
- Cuffing seasonThe colder months, roughly October through February, when people are widely said to seek a steady partner to settle down with for the season, often parting ways by spring.
- CushioningMaintaining flirtatious contact with people other than one's current partner as an emotional cushion against the relationship ending.
- DeluluInternet slang, shortened from 'delusional', for holding unrealistically optimistic beliefs about a romantic prospect, often used self-deprecatingly about a crush.
- DemisexualA sexual orientation characterized by experiencing sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with a person.
- ENMEthical non-monogamy. A relationship structure in which all parties knowingly and consensually engage in romantic or sexual involvement with multiple partners.
- GhostingEnding a romantic or sexual involvement by abruptly stopping all communication, with no explanation given. A near-universal modern dating experience.
- Hard launchThe explicit, identifying reveal of a new partner on social media: tagged, named, full face. The opposite of a soft launch and usually the next step.
- Love bombingOverwhelming a new partner with affection, attention, and grand gestures very early in a relationship, typically to gain emotional control rather than express genuine connection.
- Micro-cheatingSmall, ambiguous behaviors (saving an ex's number under a fake name, lingering DMs with a flirty acquaintance) that fall short of physical infidelity but signal emotional risk.
- MonogamishA primarily monogamous relationship that permits occasional, agreed-upon sexual involvement with others. Coined by Dan Savage.
- NSA dating"No strings attached": a relationship style characterized by sexual involvement without emotional commitment, monogamy expectations, or a shared future.
- OrbitingContinuing to watch someone's social-media activity after ending or never starting a relationship with them: viewing stories, liking posts, but not communicating.
- PaperclippingA more recent variant of zombieing in which the returning person knows full well their reappearance is unwelcome and does it anyway.
- PolyamoryA form of ethical non-monogamy involving multiple consensual, ongoing romantic relationships rather than purely sexual ones.
- Relationship intelligenceThe capacity to read and navigate the dynamics of a relationship: sensing a partner's emotions, communicating needs clearly, and adjusting behaviour to sustain the connection.
- RizzSlang for charm or skill in romantically attracting a partner, especially through conversation. Shortened from 'charisma'; named Oxford word of the year for 2023.
- Romantic capitalThe Dating Gazette's composite metric for a city's romantic-market viability: weighted income, education, age distribution, walkability, and venue density. See methodology.
- RosterA set of people someone dates or talks to at the same time without committing to any one of them, kept in rotation while deciding who, if anyone, to pursue seriously.
- SapiosexualA descriptor for someone who finds intellect or intelligence the primary trigger of sexual attraction.
- SituationshipAn undefined romantic and sexual involvement that resembles a relationship but lacks explicit commitment, exclusivity, or shared future planning. Often deliberate, often mutual.
- Soft launchThe act of subtly revealing a new romantic partner on social media without explicitly identifying them: a hand in a photo, a shadow at dinner, an unnamed silhouette.
- Talking stageThe early, pre-commitment phase of getting to know a potential partner, usually conducted largely over text and DMs, before either person defines the relationship or agrees to date exclusively.
- The ickA sudden, often irrational feeling of disgust toward someone you were attracted to, triggered by a small behaviour and usually ending the attraction for good.
- Three-day ruleA dating convention holding that one should wait three days after a date before making contact, to signal interest without seeming too eager. Now widely considered outdated.
- Transit Romance ScoreThe Dating Gazette's metric for cross-neighborhood dating feasibility: average shared transit reach × density of shared third-place venues. See methodology.
- ZombieingWhen a former partner who previously ghosted reappears in your life (typically via text or social-media DM) as if no break in contact had occurred.