Modern Dating Glossary

An informal dating guideline pacing commitment in threes: three dates before exclusivity, three weeks of contact, three months to deeper commitment.

420-friendly means a person uses cannabis, or is comfortable dating someone who does, stated openly as a profile compatibility signal.

"420" in a dating bio is cannabis-culture shorthand: the poster uses cannabis, or is at minimum comfortable around it.

The mental gymnastics used to rationalize a partner's avoidant or distant behavior — explaining away the coldness rather than naming it.

Chronically dating emotionally avoidant, commitment-averse people — often by an anxiously attached person who keeps choosing the unavailable.

Quietly dismantling a relationship from the inside so the eventual breakup blindsides a partner. Named for the Banksy artwork that shredded itself.

Offering a partner the absolute bare minimum of effort, attention, and care while still expecting their full devotion in return.

A trait or habit in a partner that's neither a red flag nor a green flag, just oddly boring or mildly peculiar. Signals blandness, not danger.

Keeping a potential partner in a holding pattern (neither pursued nor released) as a backup option while other prospects are explored.

A relationship test: make a trivial observation ("look, a bird") and see whether a partner turns toward it or brushes it off. From Gottman's bids re…

Sending intermittent, low-effort signals of romantic interest (likes, brief texts) to keep someone engaged without committing to real dates.

BWC stands for "big white cock," a slang initialism used on dating and hookup apps to reference a white man's penis size as a stated preference.

Casual dating means seeing one or more people without exclusivity or an expectation of a committed, long-term relationship.

A catfish is someone who creates a fake online identity, often using stolen photos, to deceive people into an online romantic relationship.

CD stands for cross-dresser, a dating-profile term for someone who wears clothing typically associated with another gender.

The notion that a good partner instinctively makes room for you, literally pulling up a chair, figuratively making space in their life.

Courting is a traditional, deliberately paced form of dating pursued with marriage or long-term commitment as the explicit goal from the outset.

The colder months, roughly October through February, when people reportedly seek a steady partner for the season, often parting by spring.

Maintaining flirtatious contact with people other than one's current partner as an emotional cushion against the relationship ending.

Dating is the practice of meeting and spending time with potential romantic partners to assess compatibility, on a spectrum from casual to committed.

Dating with intention means approaching dating deliberately, with clear personal values and goals, instead of dating passively or "seeing where thin…

DDF stands for "Drug and Disease Free," a self-disclosure used in dating profiles to indicate no drug use and no known STIs.

The sinking moment of realizing the person you're dating is a near-exact replica of a toxic ex — same patterns, same dread, new face.

Internet slang, short for 'delusional', for holding unrealistically optimistic beliefs about a romantic prospect, often said self-deprecatingly.

A relationship that exists mostly in one person's head: sustained daydreaming over someone barely known, or barely interested. The noun form of delu…

A sexual orientation characterized by experiencing sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with a person.

E-dating means forming or pursuing a romantic relationship with someone mainly through internet communication rather than in-person contact.

Ethical non-monogamy. A relationship structure in which all parties knowingly and consensually engage with multiple romantic or sexual partners.

Exclusive means two people have agreed to date only each other, without necessarily using labels like boyfriend or girlfriend.

FLR (Female-Led Relationship): a consensual dynamic where the woman leads decision-making, from daily choices to full power exchange.

Bonding fast and hard over a highly specific, niche, or slightly unhinged shared interest most people wouldn't admit to. The good kind of red flag.

A romance that appears with the warm weather and fades, like freckles, when summer ends. The seasonal cousin of cuffing.

A manipulative psychological tactic where someone makes a partner question their own sanity, memory, perception, or reality.

GGG stands for "good, giving, and game," a standard for being an attentive, generous partner, coined by columnist Dan Savage.

GH stands for "glory hole," a hole in a wall or partition for anonymous sexual contact, common in gay/MSM hookup-app chat and profiles.

Ending a romantic or sexual involvement by abruptly stopping all communication, with no explanation given. A near-universal modern dating experience.

Ghosting someone, then denying the disappearance or reframing it as their overreaction when they call it out. A blend of ghosting and gaslighting.

The comfort of being in your lowest-maintenance, least-presentable, faintly feral form around a partner: unwashed, sweatpanted, fully yourself.

Repeatedly dating the same type of person — same red flags, same ending — while expecting a different result. Named for the time loop in Groundhog D…

The explicit, identifying reveal of a new partner on social media: tagged, named, full face. The opposite of a soft launch and usually the next step.

Catfishing's milder cousin: a real but heavily flattering version of yourself online, old photos, an inflated title, a rounded-up height. Coined by …

Overwhelming a new partner with affection and grand gestures early on, typically to gain emotional control rather than express genuine connection.

LTR stands for long-term relationship, a stated dating intention for a committed, ongoing partnership rather than something casual.

MFM stands for "male-female-male," a threesome arrangement involving two men and one woman.

Small, ambiguous behaviors (saving an ex's number under a fake name, flirty DMs) that fall short of infidelity but signal emotional risk.

Securing a new partner before letting go of the current one, the way a monkey grabs the next branch before releasing the last. Ends in a clean swap.

A primarily monogamous relationship that permits occasional, agreed-upon sexual involvement with others. Coined by Dan Savage.

An ultra-short, hyper-intense romance — a weekend, a festival, a work trip — that burns bright and ends on schedule. Also called a micro-mance.

The euphoric, slightly obsessive chemical rush of a relationship's early days: heightened attention, idealization, infatuation. Abbreviated NRE.

NFS on dating apps is genuinely ambiguous: usually "no funny stuff" (a boundary-setting signal), but also "not for sale" and app-specific senses.

"No strings attached": a relationship style characterized by sexual involvement without emotional commitment, monogamy expectations, or a shared fut…

The idea that small unprompted acts of service, peeling an orange, grabbing a charger, reveal how much a partner cares. Refusing them reads as a war…

Continuing to watch someone's social-media activity after ending or never starting a relationship: viewing stories, liking posts, not communicating.

A more recent variant of zombieing in which the returning person knows full well their reappearance is unwelcome and does it anyway.

PDA stands for public display of affection, meaning affectionate gestures like hand-holding, hugging, or kissing shown in public.

An upside-down pineapple is a symbol used to signal interest in swinging or consensual non-monogamy ("the lifestyle").

A minor concern in a partner or relationship — not a dealbreaker like a red flag, but a faint signal worth watching in case it deepens.

When someone you're dating keeps you hidden from their social circle, family, and social media, effectively excluded from their real life.

Poly is shorthand for polyamorous/polyamory: openly maintaining more than one consensual romantic relationship at a time.

A form of ethical non-monogamy involving multiple consensual, ongoing romantic relationships rather than purely sexual ones.

PPM stands for Pay Per Meet, a sugar dating arrangement in which payment is made per date rather than a recurring allowance.

QOS stands for "Queen of Spades," slang for a woman who has a stated preference for or exclusively dates Black men.

Emotionally checking out of a relationship while staying in it, withdrawing effort to the bare minimum, often to push the other person to end it.

The capacity to read and navigate a relationship's dynamics: sensing a partner's emotions, communicating needs, and adjusting to sustain it.

Slang for charm or skill in romantically attracting a partner, especially through conversation. Short for 'charisma'; 2023 Oxford word of the year.

TDG's composite metric for a city's romantic-market viability: weighted income, education, age distribution, walkability, and venue density.

A set of people someone dates or talks to at once without committing to any one, kept in rotation while deciding who to pursue seriously.

A descriptor for someone who finds intellect or intelligence the primary trigger of sexual attraction.

SFW stands for "Safe For Work," meaning content, photos, or messages appropriate for public or professional viewing, not sexually explicit.

Deliberately dating someone you consider below your own looks or status, on the theory they'll be more loyal or grateful. Named, unkindly, after Shr…

An undefined romantic and sexual involvement resembling a relationship but lacking commitment, exclusivity, or shared future plans. Often deliberate.

Subtly revealing a new romantic partner on social media without naming them: a hand in a photo, a shadow at dinner, an unnamed silhouette.

"Something casual" means dating or hooking up without commitment, exclusivity, or expectations of a serious relationship.

A visible imbalance in style, confidence, or social ease between two partners, when one half of a couple is more put-together than the other.

A switch is someone who enjoys and moves between both dominant and submissive roles in BDSM and kink dynamics, rather than holding one fixed role.

The early, pre-commitment phase of getting to know a partner, mostly over text and DMs, before either person defines the relationship.

A sudden, often irrational feeling of disgust toward someone you were attracted to, triggered by a small behaviour, usually ending it for good.

A dating convention: wait three days after a date before making contact, to signal interest without seeming too eager. Now considered outdated.

TDG's metric for cross-neighborhood dating feasibility: average shared transit reach × density of shared third-place venues.

A unicorn is a single person, often a bisexual woman, sought by an existing couple as a third partner for a threesome or triad relationship.

Vanilla describes conventional sexual preferences or activity, without BDSM, kink, or fetish elements.

Letting a connection grow with no rules, labels, or destination, sometimes a deliberate philosophy, more often a way to avoid naming the uncertainty.

When a former partner who previously ghosted reappears in your life (typically via text or social-media DM) as if no break in contact had occurred.