WarningDating Patterns
Benching
/ˈbɛn.tʃɪŋ/
Keeping a potential partner in a holding pattern (neither pursued nor released) as a backup option while other prospects are explored.
Etymology & origin
Borrowed from sports terminology where players sit on the bench waiting to see if they'll be called onto the field.
✦ Relationship psychology
Driven by fear of missing out (FOMO) and commitment issues. The bencher likes you enough to keep you around as a safety net, but not enough to prioritize you over other prospects.
Live texting example
Omg sorry I missed your call, my week has been insane! Hope you're doing so good! Let's catch up soon!
No worries! Let me know if you want to hang out this weekend.
Aw I'm traveling this weekend, but let's definitely do something next week! I'll text you!
[Two weeks later] Hey, how was your trip?
Hey beautiful! Ugh it was crazy, I've been sleeping for days! Missed you, how've you been?
Boundary guide: how to respond
- 1Take yourself off the bench. You are a starter, not a backup player.
- 2Stop initiating contact and invest your energy in people who make proactive plans to see you.
- 3Communicate your standards: 'I'm looking for someone who is ready to date consistently. It feels like we're always on hold, so I'm going to focus elsewhere.'
#backup#fomo#breadcrumbing#bench player
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