Green FlagDating Patterns
Bird theory
/bɜːd ˈθɪə.ɹi/
A relationship test: make a trivial observation ("look, a bird") and see whether a partner turns toward it or brushes it off. From Gottman's bids research.
Etymology & origin
Adapted from Dr. John Gottman's research on 'bids for connection' and how couples respond to them.
✦ Relationship psychology
Gottman's research showed that couples who stayed together 'turned toward' bids 86% of the time, while those who divorced only did so 33% of the time. Engaging with minor observations builds emotional bank accounts.
Live texting example
Oh look! There's a really cool blue jay on that branch!
Oh wow, where? Let me see! It really is beautiful. Nice catch!
Boundary guide: how to respond
- 1Cherish partners who show genuine curiosity in your world, even in the smallest details.
- 2Practise turning toward their bids: Put down your phone and engage when they share something minor.
#bids for connection#gottman#attention#validation
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